How the Goat Stole Beltane

The Radical Faeries Liked Beltane a lot,
But the Goat, an old Satyr, somehow, did not.
He was grizzled and wild, not attractive at all
And some say his penis was three sizes too small

“They drive down my road just a slight bit too fast”
“They never say howdy as they walk swiftly past.”
“They bring all their hang-ups and big city ways”
“And demand that the forest be friendly to gays”

“ They have disco dances with glitter and light “
“ They bang on there drums far into the night”
“For Thirteen years I’ve put up with it now”
“I’ve got to keep Beltane from coming some how”

So he dressed up his truck with a small rainbow flag sticker
“This will surely fool ‘em,” said he with a snicker
He coasted on down while the Faeries were sleeping
Pulled out several large bags and around started creeping.

He took all the millet he took all the humus
He took all the flour that was hand ground with pumus
He took all the garlic He took the whole feast
Why he even packed up the large tofu roast beast

He took all the slings he took all the whips
He took all the paddles with steel grommets and tips
He took all the chiffon he took all the sashes
He took all the lipstick and glue-on eyelashes

He took all the mushrooms, the acid and X
He took all the cushions on which people have sex
He took all the bongos, the dumbecs and flutes
Anything, which buzzes, jingles and toots.

And that Goat with a most despicable grin
Dropped down his tailgate and stuffed it all in
AH, he said there is ONE thing left to go
The most important of all … The Beltane MAY POLE!

While removing the pole up wandered a faerie,
Wisp of thing…He called himself Mary
What are you doing? He spoke pale and light
Why I’m fixing this pole…it doesn’t stand right

So Goat gave him a joint and sent him to bed
And to his truck with maypole did head
He started the truck, which groaned up the road
For we all know he had such a sizable load

But down the path walked a thin bearded man
With a long black hair and a marvelous tan
He called himself Horse-boy and gave out a neigh
And Goat’s little penis grew three sizes that day

The bitterness he felt for the faeries did fade
For the world seems much brighter when you’ve been thoroughly laid
They smiled at each other and with expedience and grace
All was returned and put back into place

The Faeries awoke in the morning to find
Horse-boy and Goat-boy asleep and entwined
At the base of the May – Pole where as we all see
The True Meaning of Beltane, Eternally

by Goat Boy